March 15, 2020
Outside the children play in the street just like every other day. Their laughter and voices are my sanctuary. The wind passes through the metal shutters of the windows of my little house on the hill rustling the leaves of the mango and palm trees outside as Oya breathes life into me. It’s just another day in Cuba, the same as every other one. Last night there was still music, albeit, some of the state run places have been closed until further notice due to the pandemic of Corona Virus. I stayed home to nurse my hurting heart and aching feet from too many hours dancing in the studio this week. My heart hurts for what I see happening everywhere right now outside of Cuba, and my feet from too many hours of dancing to numb the pain in my heart from the suffering happening in the world, and all the panic outside that I hear and read about.
Across the sea just 100 miles or so, in the country of my birth, life has been dramatically altered. My friends share photos of empty shelves in their local stores. Posts are being shared of a million ways to cure and prevent the virus, and everyone, whether they admit it or not, is afraid and sensing that the worst is yet to come. Some friends are sharing with me that there has been a huge increase in the purchases of ammunition for guns and weapons. Obviously, people are preparing for civil unrest, or to fight to protect what they have and likely, some with mal-intent to take what they need from those who have it. Posts are circulating on social media about Biological Warfare coming from China. Thousands have died, and it is projected that hundred of thousands more will die in the coming months in the USA. In two short months, the entire world has been transformed and the overall day to day conversations are about little more than corona virus and the impact it is having on the world. Today I saw a post that Boulder, CO is now in a state of emergency as is my home state of Florida.
It feels like the nightmare I never wanted to live long enough to see. My country is shutting down, more so the whole world is going on alert. It is unbelievable how fast a virus can impact the entire world. It’s hard to not feel like we are in the end times during these moments. I imagine soon it will be martial law and the dictator in power in the Whitehouse will continue until the country is completely destroyed or until the people finally stand up and blood is shed to win back our rights for a truly fair election and a true representation of the people in our country. Maybe it all has to come to this in order for change to surface. I pray for peace in every breath.
When I was a little girl, maybe 5 years old, I remember the day too well that I saw all of this, from the wars to this virus unfold in my vision. I was playing in the lot next door to my house making dirt pies and daydreaming. Suddenly, in front of me, time stopped and I entered some kind of a portal. I felt dizzy and like the whole universe was spinning inside and around me. I froze and before my eyes I watched the future, and saw my whole life play out. I saw things I could not possibly have understood as a 5 year old girl, yet the moments in that other world were so powerful, and so vivid, that I have never forgotten the experience. I saw war and famine and violence and chaos in the streets. I saw disease, death and stores with empty shelves. I saw people rioting in the streets, and the earth burning. Then I felt my mother’s hands on my shoulders asking me if I was OK, and from that moment on, I knew I had seen the unseeable future and something inside of me was different. Of course at that age, I did not understand much of it. But now, at nearly 50 years old, so many of those events have transpired, and as each one happens, the memory of that vision is ignited and my heart feels another pang of sadness for the state of humanity that is very likely still yet to come.
Years later, I had a dream shortly after my nephew was born. In the dream, we were in the west, maybe Arizona or New Mexico or it could have been Colorado. It was barren west mountain desert roads we were driving on. We went into the stores and there was nothing in them. The shelves were bare, there was nothing to buy. People were walking around with desperate shocked looks on their faces, no one could believe what was happening. He and I went to see a little girl who had information about the future living in the mountains hidden away from the world. When we entered, the little girl looked just like me when I was five. My nephew, in the dream was around 25, a fully grown man. My nephew now is 26 years old.
I read Revelations many times as a young girl. I was always a very spiritual being and never felt like I fit into the “normal” world. I have had visions my entire life of what is coming, and so far, as much as I hate to admit it, the things I have seen have been pretty accurate and many of them have occurred or are occurring now. I never wanted to live through these times. I always hoped I would die before the quickening began, maybe I still will if I am lucky enough to avoid the worst of it. I can not lie, I am deeply concerned right now. I am afraid for humanity. I am concerned about my friends in the USA and in Cuba. I am doing my best, like all of us, to stay positive and enjoy life as it unfolds. In the background, there is a foreboding knowingness.
I am afraid not just because of Corona Virus and the suffering it has already brought to so many. I am afraid for what this will allow in permission to the dictatorship and regime in power in the USA. I am going to just call it what it is. The people have been wanting to believe it can not happen in the USA, but we have allowed it to happen. He has total power, and anyone who can’t see the writing on the wall just doesn’t want to. He has shown us exactly who he is, what he values and to what lengths he is willing to go to to maintain his power. He has committed every possible crime he could, and still is above the law and not able to be impeached because he owns the powers around him too. His takeover and stealing of the first election was the beginning of the end of the United States of America as we once knew it. Do not be fooled, there will be no election and if there is one, he has already secured his victory somehow.
I am concerned for the children and what they will see and be left with. I am afraid for the elders who do not deserve to be victims of this insanity and of course for my own people and family the most. I am afraid for my friends and family in Cuba who have so much faith in their government and yet their government is that is stupidly keeping the borders open thereby eventually exposing them to a guaranteed outbreak in time here in Cuba. As much as Cuba wants to talk propaganda, they are not prepared for this kind of situation and the hospitals can not withstand thousands of visitors or even hundreds at a time. There simply aren’t enough resources here to handle a serious outbreak.
At the moment: the honest truth is, in spite of all my positivity and grace in the crisis, accepting it as it is: I do not know what to do. Going home seems like the worst possible choice and yet, if I do not earn income and get work somehow, I will lose my insurance. Going to another country seems possible, avoiding the USA all together, but then I feel guilty abandoning my family. My choice seems to be go back, as a martyr to be there for my friends and family, or try to stay away and live with that choice to protect myself and let them suffer their fates there without me. Neither choice is one I want to make, but its the reality of what I must choose between. Maybe I always knew it would come to this. I have always felt I needed to survive the modern culture’s downfall, but I do not know why really. What is life without the people you love?
Cuba is my heart. I do not want to live in the USA anymore. The tides are changing. Being in Cuba, I am safer from my own country’s demise than I would be there, and here atleast I can maintain some peace of mind and sleep at night if nothing else.