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The Waking Dream

My racing heart stopped and I fell into him, surrendering fully to the weakness of my desire.  He held me and we were stillness in motion as his lips found mine. Then, like a flash, it was dawn emerging.  Normally, the quiet of this time captivates me to stay in bed meditating and slowly awakening to embrace and savor the place between the worlds.  Today however, I go to greet the sun and walk to the sea to greet the dawn.

My mind is still, not even contemplating the passionate dream that just woke me of the lover I do not yet know.  His face is still a mystery but he visits me in the dreamtime on occasion.  He is dark, sensual and always holds my face in his perfectly sculpted hands worshiping his Queen, as a King should.  I rarely think of the dreams more than a moment after I rise, but today the desire lingers.

The dawn is cool, sweet and refreshing to my spirit.  The wind, as always, loves every part of me and carries my mind to timelessness.  Past, present and future are all one.  There is no me.  I am the wind.  I am the sea here beneath these rocks, tasting the shore.  I am the sun rising as the moon sinks behind it’s horizon in the western sky.  I am home.  Nothing can touch me, like nothing can capture the wind.  I am free, uncontainable.  I am unstoppable and can slip thru or blow over any obstacle.  I am timeless, eternal and unscathed by any man.  I am the all of life and death.  I am the one with this earth as I am with the stars and sky.

Through Oyo’s breath, I am hearing the drums again, bringing me back into this 5’3 form that all of that timeless, formlessness is choosing to play within now.  My mind is brought back with the thought that the drums are only there in my mind.  It’s 7 am.  No one is playing drums right now.  The rhythms sing to me in the wind, they find me through Oyo’s whispers and seductions. They have lived in me for lifetimes beyond this one, and now, being here on this little island, it seems they haunt me incessantly.  They are always elusive, coming from across the sea, or far down an alleyway.  They are always just out of my reach but they are with me, intoxicating me night and day.

Technically, I’m forbidden to play many of them here, as a woman, the “foundation” Bata parts and the Abukan are only for men.  It is a belief that the drums lose their power when a woman plays of if a man has sex with a woman before he plays.  I of course know a different reality, but for now I don’t argue and I listen to their traditions and beliefs with open ears and a humble heart.

I could die here, right now and be quite content.  The wind, my beloved timeless lover holds me sweetly between the worlds and could carry me through the void with ease.  I’ve waited too long to be here now to die today.  I get up and walk to Gabriel’s house cutting thru back yards and chatting with everyone along the way.

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